Many years ago, when I was interviewed for another project management position, my future boss (as you can guess, I was hired) asked me an unusual question. He said, “Imagine there is a stakeholder with a very strong personality. How would you deal with them?” – I responded, “I would build a good working relationship with them so that their strong character would be to my advantage”.
So here is a real communication challenge. Think of a colleague with a very strong personality. Their personality is so strong that it “radiates” their judgement and evaluation to the entire organization. Their opinion is as tough and heavy as a giant stone. Once formed, it is almost impossible to change. Their approval means great relief and support, and their disagreement or refusal can ruin meetings, strategies, or even careers.
It is tough, but as long as you are given the opportunity to create a good first impression and to build it by proving your competency, professionalism and reliability again and again, chances are that your strong personality colleague will become your ally and you will probably have their support when it comes to discussing important topics and making project decisions.
But what if their opinion of you was created by someone they already trust before you even had a chance to meet them? It is said that a first impression is created over the initial30 seconds of face-to-face communication. Well, in many cases today we create the first impression through visual meetings, conference calls or even email messages.
My assumption is that you are a responsible individual, eager about what you do and willing to be good at what you do; you are a good team player, respectful of others and of the organization you work for.
Imagine someone gave them a highly opinionated, highly negative and not really objective picture of you (either wishfully or wrongfully). Rather than creating a first impression from zero, you start somewhere very far on the negative side of the scale. How can you move the heavy stone? How can you show them the true you? How can you fix the damage?
Well, in order to “fix the damage”, you need to understand which particular part of your image is damaged in their perception. Indeed, if someone told them that you are terrible at cost management, it would make little difference if you try to prove yourself as a great integration specialist. It could give you some extra points, but it will not override the reactive devaluation that your suggestions would encounter.
Ideally, your first meeting should be held one-on-one: this lets you hold your discussion in a less formal way and gives you more freedom of expression. You get to meet the person with the strong personality, and you know they are (or suspect they may be) negatively predisposed. Try to stay in control but make them feel as though you are setting the meeting to their absolute satisfaction. Avoid a standard formal conversation. Say something like, “I thought it would be a good idea to introduce myself and to learn of your expectations”.
You still don’t know what they think of you. So “disarm” them by saying “Tell me what you know about me so far” or even “Tell me what they told you about me”. If their opinion of you is neutral, it will be an ice breaking question that will make them smile and will help put your story on a positive background. If they have heard some negative information about you, then they will either share it with you (giving you valuable insights on what to fix) or they will keep it to themselves, but your spontaneous agenda will make them question what they know about you, in turn making them question whether what they heard is right. Then, tell them about yourself. As long as your honest story is strong and you are confident in your professionalism and dedication, you will be able to rebuild the first impression, or at least to set it to neutral, placing you in a better position than before.
It is also a good idea to ask them about their background. By doing so, you let the person speak up (many strong personalities like to do so) and they open up to you - this makes them less closed off when they talk to you in the future. Learn about their true expectations, try to understand what they value in their colleagues the most and try to match their ideal colleague image. Do it sincerely. Try to help them feel your support. They would appreciate it. After all, strong personalities make big achievements, and having a friendly strong personality on your project team (or your stakeholder team) is a great opportunity!